Hazama's Valentine's Day
by Live Chaos
Summary: Hazama carries out his next big plan to humiliate Ragna and Sector Seven as a bonus! Two-Shot Happy Valentine's Day everyone!
1. Chapter 1

Hazama's Valentine's Day

* * *

><p>"Ehehehehehehehehehehe… ahahahahahahahaha… AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hazama began laughing manically over his next evil plan to humiliate Ragna (and Sector Seven as a bonus) on Valentine's Day!<p>

* * *

><p>The plan was a perfect trolling mockery of the whole concept of Valentine's Day. To put it simply Hazama was going to torment Ragna using his brother Jin Kisaragi and his 'love' for Ragna, put in a large public area, and the best part was that he already had several snapshot cameras and video cameras all set up in the area for his plan so Ragna's humiliating experience was going to be made utterly public knowledge especially after it gets put in the NOL newspaper if everything went to plan.<p>

Now all he had to do was find Jin, send him a letter telling him where Ragna was (or if for some reason that did not work use some sleeping gas and maybe some slow-acting aphrodisiac on Jin and bring him over to Ragna's house and put him in bed with Ragna when he was asleep) then as Ragna comes out screaming like a girl and runs down the heavily crowded and populated street that his house is on in nothing but his boxers with Jin chasing him, all the cameras he installed in the area would both take snapshots of the whole thing and video tape it!

As for the bonus of humiliating Sector Seven he was going to sneak undetected into their not so secret (as least to Hazama because he knows about it) base and then sabotage the electrical and computer systems causing them to go haywire as well as cause their defensive systems (hidden turrets and hidden electrocution devices) to also go haywire and turn on them but right before that he was going to attach some of the extremely long loose (and active) electrical wire right onto the tails of the sleeping Kokonoe and NOL traitor Makoto Nanaya so when he activated their sabotaged system they would quite literally get the SHOCK OF THEIR LIVES!

But the best Trolling Trick he going to use was going to be on his old buddy Hakumen! And this could not have been a more perfect time to do so for old Haku needed his suit charged again and go into a coma like state on a metal slab of an operating table (Like Cyborg from Teen Titans) which would allow him to download a special program of his into Hakumen's suit and watch the results when he woke up and the program activated. And of course this as well as everything else mentioned would be recorded and videotaped!

"With this program you will defiantly Dance Hakumen, Hhehehehe… YOU'LL DANCE LITERALLY! Hehehehehehahahahahah… ahahahahahahaha… HYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hazama could not help but laugh manically as he looked at the program that he was going to use. Said program was filled several hilarious yet awesome dance moves and techniques, including several made by Michael Jackson!

It was now time to put his plan into action, and make preparations for a truly epic TROLL STORM! "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

**To be continued in the second chapter…**

**A/N: Sorry for stopping it here but I wanted to make sure it was posted exactly on Valentine's Day and it was almost bed time. Oh and please Review. **


	2. Chapter 2

Hazama's Valentine's Day part 2

(Midnight- 13th Hierarchical City of Kagutsuchi)

_Finally, _Hazama thought as he finally found Jin Kisaragi… asleep and dreaming about, you guessed it, his brother. At least he didn't need to use the sleeping gas. Finding him was somewhat a pain, as to where he found Jin, well he would rather not say. To make matters worse, he was talking in his sleep, and by talking in his sleep, I mean saying horrifying, disgusting, and perverted things involving his own brother, which will not be revealed by Hazama (who was unfortunate to hear them from Jin's mouth) even under the threat of death and being unable to troll for life for being so horrific. AND NO, NOT EVEN USE ANYTHING JIN SAID TO TROLL RAGNA OR ANYBODY ELSE! (Yes it was that bad)

Said green haired man was so utterly repulsed, to such an extent that he even (very briefly of course) considered cutting Ragna a break, but of course _that_ would defeat the whole purpose of trolling him for Valentine's Day. _Ugh! Jin you disgusting brother obsessed Gay-wad! _Hazama thought to himself.

Hazama is now in front of the said Gay-wad who is sleeping peacefully and unaware continuing to make repulsive remarks about doing sickening things to his own brother.

The green haired man knelt down and said, "It is defiantly not good to see you again, Major Kisaragi. Your brother is ready to see you, so you wouldn't mind coming with me to make his life miserable and humiliating for a while, do you? Ehehehe, Ahahahaha." He laughed in a silent whisper.

He gently grabbed the still-sleeping Jin and opened a portal to take them to Ragna's house.

When Hazama was in Ragna's filthy room he carefully pulled the covers off of the sleeping Ragna (who was in nothing but his boxers as planned) and placed the sleeping Jin next to him and wrapped Jin's arms around Ragna and Jin's face close to Ragna (after he put the slow-acting aphrodisiac pill in Jin's mouth for good measure) and quickly pulled out a camera from one of his magical portals and took a picture of them for good blackmailing material. Now with that part done Hazama smiled deviously as he saw the alarm clock on the small desk right next to Ragna's bed and picked it up set the right time for when it would go off, and set it back down again.

After that he Immediately set up the remaining cameras that he didn't already install in Ragna's room and house leading all the way the door and outside in the general area, he already set up the cameras in the large populated public area in which Ragna would be running to (in his boxers needless to say) in his attempt (which, thanks to Hazama would end up failing) to get away from his gay and obsessed brother.

Now that was finished, It was time for Hazama to troll Sector Seven!

Already knowing exactly where the Sector Seven base was it didn't take him long to get there especially since it was surprisingly (and conveniently) close to Ragna's apartment which would explain how they were so easily able to get in touch with each other

After taking out a map layout of the base(which he had obtained some time ago by hacking into a Sector Seven Computer/secondary mainframe) from one of his handy green portals he went to one of the large ventilation shafts connected to the base, carefully removed the cover of the vent and slid inside and made his way to the route that was the closest to where he needed to be before finding the vent covering that was right over his destination so to speak, carefully lifting up the vent covering like he did to the previous one and quietly jumped down and landed harmoniously.

With a smirk of satisfaction he began finding the main lab to begin his troll prank … until several new ideas came to his head.

'_I'm in the Sector Seven base , I have access to their base's Mainframe, can do whatever the heck I want while I'm here as long as I'm silent and once I'm gone the alarm won't detect me since I'm leaving through the vent, not entering this place in the usual way… meaning_' Hazama chuckled "Ehehehehehe…Troll time, all you Sector Seven workers and NOL squirrel traitor…" he said in a Sing-Song voice .

(Main Lab/Kokonoe's room)

Once Hazama was in the Sector Seven base he immediately went into the main lab that Kokonoe usually was in. The lab was mostly for highly advanced technology and amoral experiments; a large queen sized bed was where Kokonoe was sleeping. However she was a very heavy sleeper especially after relying on large amounts of sugar and lollipops to stay awake, so she was completely unaware of the green haired man rummaging his way through her equipment, re-wiring some of the large panels, attaching two of the large electrical wires from one of the panels to both of her tails, hacking into the primary mainframe, and setting up several cameras in the room.

(Mokoto's room)

This room… if it even could be called that was a complete mess. Clothes piled everywhere, large amounts of useless junk here and there and a bunker bed typical of Sector Seven was what most would notice, though the bunker bed was only notable due to the snoring scantily clad squirrel girl in it. So making his visit short he found the console in the wall (which was also covered in clothes), hacked into and rewired it, and immediately afterwards pulled out two of the long non active (at least until he turned the system back on for his epic troll prank) electrical wires and tied them around Mokoto's tail just like did with Kokonoe's and walked out laughing quietly to himself after he set up more of the cameras.

(Hakumen and Tager's room)

The cybernetic Ookami sword wielding warrior's room was mostly a lab for extremely advanced technological upgrades for said warrior; a large metal table was what Kokonoe made Hakumen use as a bed and to recharge his suit or batteries as Hazama liked to mockingly prefer. However said recharges put him in a near coma state, so he was completely oblivious of the green haired man tampering with his suit, finding his download port, plugging it into the nearby console, inserting the special disk (with all the dance moves) into the console, downloading the data from the disk _into_ his suit, and re-wiring some of the large panels so that they would go haywire as well. Oh and he set up more cameras making sure when he activated them they would all start recording LIVE from Ragna's room and the room's in Sector Seven would be broadcasted not just to his office but throughout the entire city once he downloaded it to all the NOL's Broadcasts for EVERYONE TO SEE!

"Oh your humiliation is going to be just delightful. Once I'm done with you pal, you're going to make the biggest pushover laughing stock EVER! My own little dance puppet! Hyehehehehehehahahahaha!"

And with that he did the same downloading dance moves sequence to Tager just like he did with Hakumen and decided to make his way back to the ventilation shaft where he entered from, when he spotted a certain device that he remembered all too well; a device that allowed someone to switch two peoples souls, in other words switch their body's.

After seeing this accursed machine and the cage that went along with it he immediately came up with the perfect idea for revenge on his purple caped puppeteer of a partner. _'Relius you are going to pay for switching my body with that wretched cat named Taokaka!_ Hazama thought angrily. So with that thought in mind he walked over to where the device's controls were and began activating both the machine and the teleportation device along with it.

Using the teleportation device he locked onto Relius's and Taokaka's locations and teleported them both right inside the cage.

They were still asleep despite the hard landing, normally he would have waited for both of them to wake up to see them both go into a fit of rage before he switched their bodies but he had a schedule to keep and didn't have time. Besides, it was going to be so much more satisfactory at seeing both of their reactions when they woke up and saw their bodies had been switched. _'Let's see how you like having YOUR body switched with that disgusting and unintelligent feline' _Hazama thought with a manic and insane smirk as he pressed the button for the machine, effectively switching both Relius's and Taokaka's body's.

They were defiantly going to be in a nasty surprise when they both woke up or at least Relius certainly was, the cat didn't have the intellect and would be too busy trying to eat Relius's purple cape. For fun he decided to check their soul compatibility with each other and found much to his amusement it was a mere Thirty Percent.

With that Hazama set up the last of the camera's, opened up one of his green portals, placed the soul-switching machine and the teleportation device inside the portal so he would be able to put them both either inside his office, house, or personal lab for future use (*Cough Body-Switching Troll Pranks Cough*), and of course as an added measure took the blueprints for both devices as well.

Having succeeded in the preparations for his major Trolling of Valentine's Day he went back to the ventilation panel where entered from, erased any and all evidence of him ever being there and made his way out back to his office to get ready to remotely activate the camera's when the time was right, and of course get some rest.

(The next morning)

(Play BlazBlue otc: Sword Of Doom)

Ragna began to wake up, slowly opening his eyes. For some reason he did NOT feel refreshed, it felt as if someone was strangling him in his sleep, that and he also kept getting a cold feeling of doom like his life was about to become one of complete and utter despair by his green haired arch nemesis especially since Hazama had been unusually quiet lately and that was defiantly not good, for Ragna got the horrifying suspicion that it could only mean Hazama was planning something, most likely to make his life miserable at a whole new level. Needless to say, poor Ragna had absolutely no idea just how right he going to be. "Ugh, I can't remember the last time I slept that horribly. It feels I was being…

Ragna was cut short when he fully opened his eyes and to his utter horror he found his gay brother in bed with him fast asleep!

"AAAAHHHH-"Ragna caught himself just in time from making an extremely loud and girlish scream. '_How did my degenerate gay brother find me? And what is he even doing my room? Let alone MY BED!' _He thought to himself not daring to make a sound…

*BUZZ! RING! BUZZ! RING!*

Ragna's alarm clock went off invert causing Jin (still half-asleep) to almost instinctively shoot a large blast of Ice freezing the clock, the nightstand, and much of the general vicinity and shattering them into the ground. This, of course, stopped Ragna's heart dead in its last beats as he slowly turned to see Jin lazily sit up and begin rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Brother? Am I in the same bed as you? OH BROTHER THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!" Jin shouted with utmost glee.

This time Ragna didn't even bother trying to contain his Extremely loud and girlish scream.

(Main Lab/Kokonoe's room)

*ZAP!*

"YYYYYEEEEEOOOOOWWWWW!" The pink haired two tailed cat women screamed and hollered as she felt a large electric shock course through her body, starting from the end of both of her tails. When she looked down and saw the wires connected to her tails she immediately ripped them off to stop the painful electrocution. "OW! Who put these active wires on me? Now both of my tails are burned horri-"

*BZZZZZZT FIZZLE BZZZZZZT FIZZLE*

As she was shouting this to no one in particular she turned her head to the sound of her dearly beloved consoles going haywire the two tailed cat women was greeted by sparks flying around in most of her equipment and systems, so with a loud "What the- Oh crap!" she ran at them, pushing buttons here and there to get them working once again… but everything she did didn't give him the result she wanted, until…

"_Warning! Warning! Security Breach! Anti Security Breach Protocol Engaged!_"

"What do you mean anti security breach protocol? I'm the one who designed you, you useless piece of junk!" Kokonoe yelled as she tried to get the computer consoles to work like the way they were supposed to and failed miserably.

"_Wretched And Ugly Two Tailed Cat __Menace Detected, Now Initiating Combat Schedule And Cat abomination/monstrosity Eradication!_" (A/N:Hyahahahaha! Guess who programmed the computer to say that. Imagine just how mad Kokonoe is, trolled by her own computer system! By the way how did I do on this part? Please Review.)

"WHAT?...!" Kokonoe shouted, now completely enraged at being insulted in such a fashion by her own creation, she ran to the computer's panel "Cat abomination/monstrosity Eradication was never even in your programming! What gives? Come on work! WORK!" she frantically backhanded the monitor and began to pound, slam, and even shred the monitor itself with her claws and shake it vigorously which of course utterly ruined the monitor further "Come on, you worthless piece of cheap software and hardware! I am your freaking creator! You can't do this to me!"

The next thing she was going to say died in her throat when she turned and saw laser turrets pop out of the ceiling, ready to blast her to bits and large electrical robotic arms fly at her, ready to tear her apart and give her a lethal electrocution simultaneously.

"KOKONOE!" Kokonoe turned to see Mokoto entering the room, tears falling from her as she ran to her unfriendly boss "Kokonoe someone… Someone connected electrical wires to me and fried my tail! She cried while showing her now black and fried tail with the fur now spiked and sticking up in all directions. '_I so do not have time for this' _Kokonoe thought as she felt a vein pulsing on her forehead as she face-palmed, grabbed the Squirrel girl by her fur covered head and creaked it so she could see the arms lunging now at both of them in and the turrets firing upon them the spam of Two point five seconds.

"Oh snap!" was all the scantily clad girl could say before the two began to run for their very lives against Kokone's defense, offence, and maintenance systems even. Of course Kokonoe tried to contact Tager and Hakumen to help them out while they were running only to find them both dancing uncontrollably in utter humiliation.

* * *

><p>Inside a certain cage Relius woke up wondering where he was and found to his horror that he was now in a female Kaka cats body. Even more horrifying was that the mind of said cat in question was now inside his former body and eating his precious cape. He(or she) tried to stop her(him) from doing so but to no avail.<p>

* * *

><p>(Play BlazBlue Saga XVII - Theme Of Hazama ~Gluttony Fang~)<p>

Meanwhile, inside of his office, Hazama continued watching all that transpired on the video cameras he set up through several high definition video monitors, he smiled as he waited for the results while looking at his clock as he started the countdown "Activating Epic Troll storm in three… two… oooooooooooooooone-now"

And so the Epic Troll storm did activate. (A/N: What? I found it somewhat if only by a small margin more creative than the s-word storm.)

"GYHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

*BOOM!* *CLANG* *BOOM!* *CRASH!* *CLANG* *BOOM!*

Even from his office it was easy to hear the screams of terror, and embarrassment in Ragna's case since he was running away from his 'brother' in a public area clad only in his boxers for everyone to see, as he tried in vain to escape from Jin, only to trip over a well placed rock courtesy of Hazama, who put it there some time ago, and let out a large comical NOOOOOOO! As Jin jumped on top of him, what happened before that however was large explosions around Ragna's house and the Sector Seven Base most of them concentrated in Kokonoe's room and a very large one in Ragna's bedroom as a large red/black energy blast obliterated his wall, with Ragna running out of it in only his boxers, however Jin immediately chased after him, meaning he had managed to avoid the blast of Darkness and the possible Inferno Divider. But this didn't sadden Hazama in the least.

He continued watching the live videos of all the people he just humiliated, smiling proudly like a true mastermind. "Hehehehehe! And Done! Man am I good! My job for Valentine's Day is over! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Soon after all the videos on the cameras were broadcasted, Ragna's Hakumen's and Tager's Reputations were ruined beyond repair-FOREVER. Sector Seven was laughed out of the city, never to return again with Kokonoe being captured and thrown behind NOL bars complete with a Newspaper with her picture of being behind said bars and her face being one of uncontrollable rage on the headlines FrontPage.

The NOL's plans for Kagutsuchi would be carried out successfully without any interruptions for a very LONG time.

Oh and Relius was permanently Demoted, with Hazama rightfully obtaining his former rank in his place.


End file.
